Clinginess and tears are actually a healthy reaction to separation. It shows our child is bonded to us. As a child grows older separation anxiety should lessen. In the meantime how do we deal with it as a parent?
We can’t always be WITH our child, but there is One who is ALWAYS with them. And not only is Jesus always with them, His affection for them is always present. Romans 8:35-39 says,
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
So as we REST in the fact that God is always present with our child, and has a constant love for them what can we DO as parents to help a child move past separation anxiety?
- Develop a goody-bye ritual. Don’t sneak away when you’re child isn’t looking. This actually leads to more anxiety. Give a kiss on the forehead, say, “I love you. Bye Bye sweetie.”
- Be consistent. Your child will become more comfortable with drop off at daycare and/or church as they become more consistent with the environment.
- Leave with confidence. If you walk out of the room then turn back around and return to retrieve your child, you are reinforcing the thought that something is wrong. Give the teacher your cell phone # and have them shoot you a quick text in 5 minutes to give you a status update.
- Come up with a comfort object. Sometimes sending in a special object from home helps a child transition better.
Separation anxiety is lessened when we as the parent exude confidence and calmness at drop off. Leaving your child will actually help your child in the end, so fight the urge to feel guilty about leaving them. Your job as a parent is to help them become independent, and they can’t do that while clinging to your leg!
Posted on February 28, 2017 1:32 PM
Either you’ve already experienced it, you’re in the middle of it, or it’s on the horizon. What is it? Separation Anxiety. Pediatricians help us understand that separation anxiety is so tough on kids because they don’t understand object permanence. A child realizes Mom is gone, and what they think is, “Oh my gosh, MY MOM IS GONE,” like forever gone.
It’s why we play hide and seek or peekaboo with little ones. We want to reinforce the idea that even though you can’t see an object doesn’t mean it’s gone. The fear produced over this misunderstanding is what we call separation anxiety. It creates an anxiety in our children, and much of the time, an anxiety in us as parents.
Take some time to check out this month’s video to see how we can deal with anxiety. Later in the month you’ll receive some practical tools for how to help your child conquer separation anxiety.
Posted on February 15, 2017 3:28 PM
As promised, here is your second e-mail of January in our new parenting ministry. If you missed part 1 or want to read it again, you can find it at; https://risenchristfamily.360unite.com/parenting-preschool.
Below is part two of the topic; Playing the comparisons game. Before you read about that, I want to invite you to a fantastic marriage event we are hosting here at Risen Christ called “Fight Night.” It is a simulcast with Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott on Feb 12 at 7pm. It will be fun, funny, inspirational and instructive. Cost is $10 advance and $12 at the door. Check it out at; http://www.lesandleslie.com/fight-night/.
Have you ever had one of those days when you just barely make it out the door? House is a wreck, you haven’t had a shower today and the kids are already fighting. Your parenting self-esteem has already taken a hit when you run into THAT family. You know the one: they look like they just stepped out of the pages of a magazine, kids are behaving perfectly and mom has brought homemade goodies for the kids to share. How do they do it? Why can’t we do that? Why can’t our child excel like theirs? Sometimes you feel like a parenting what-not-to-do.
It is completely normal to compare ourselves and our kids to others. Unfortunately, we often can pick out our own faults and flaws and they seem to be amplified next to those “perfect people”. The truth is that no parent and no child is perfect. Even those seemingly perfect families have their own problems, too. So what can we do when we catch ourselves falling into the comparison trap?
- Remember that milestone development is relative. Of course you want to make sure that your child’s development is on track, but obsessing over it is not helpful. Don’t let others set the standard for where your child should be. Talk with your child’s pediatrician. If they are comfortable with how your child is growing, you should be too. If you don’t trust your pediatrician, you need to find a new doctor.
- Don’t turn parenting into a competition. Being a parent is hard, even on a good day. Why make it even harder by setting unrealistic expectations on yourself and especially on your child? Every family has their own set of issues that they struggle with every day, some just hide it better than others! You never know what someone else may be dealing with behind closed doors.
- Realize that comparisons can steal your joy. Why purposely invite any sort of conflict into your life? We should be striving to be joyful and to find joy every day. Comparisons can lead to envy and jealousy. Proverbs 14:30 states “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Find parent friends who are supportive rather than competitive and be that friend to others.
- Be able to admit and own weaknesses, and at the same time recognize and utilize strengths. What is your child good at? Celebrate that and let them know that you are proud of them. Help them to find activities and projects that interest them and that they enjoy. Your child is a unique individual who has things they are good at…do you know what they are or are you too focused on what they cannot do? Apply this to yourself as a parent as well. You may not be the best goodie-baker, but you tell the best stories.
- The last one is the most important. KNOW THAT GOD LOVES YOU!!! Your worth before God is not measured by how your family compares with others. Your worth before God is based on His amazing grace. He loves you warts and all. And, His love extended all the way to Jesus dying on the cross for you. The Bible says that it was while we were yet sinners that Christ died for us. If you ever feel like you are comparing yourself to other parents, turn back to the cross and let God’s love flow over you.
Take a good look at your child. Are they happy, healthy, safe and loved? Are you letting them know how much God loves them? Congratulations, you are a good parent. Ultimately, these are the things that are important. Enjoy your children for who God created them to be and appreciate the job you have been blessed with as their parent.
Have a great day doing one of the most important tasks in the world—being a loving Christian parent to your child.,
Posted on January 31, 2017 9:21 AM
Yeah! It is here! Here is your very first parenting e-mail from our Risen Christ Family Life Ministry. These e-mails are designed to give you practical, Biblical advice on caring for your elementary age child. You will receive 2 e-mails each month on the same topic. We hope you find them helpful. Feel free to share them with a friend but please don’t post them on social media.
Being a parent is hard work and sometimes we wonder if we are doing a good job? We hear about other families, other people’s kids and it can be easy for doubt to creep in. Comparing ourselves to others is natural and depending on the situation can either make you feel like parent of the year or a total failure. The last thing you want to hear about when you were up all night with your ten month old is how someone else’s two month old is sleeping through the night! Or how about running into that mom who is always perfectly put together when you can’t remember the last time you got a shower?
Comparisons can be harmful to our self-esteem and our outlook on how we are managing. It’s easy to fall into this trap. Before we close the blinds and shut ourselves off from all human contact, we have to realize that we all have good and bad days. No one has completely mastered being a parent!
Take some time and check out this month’s video to see how we can deal with those moments we feel like we don’t measure up. Later this month, you will receive some tools to help you when you are playing the comparison game.
Here is the link to the video: https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/90162336/2b9dba9f43
Posted on January 24, 2017 11:02 AM